Lucky Escapes For Amateurs

PRECARIOUS: Serangoon residents were shocked to see a maid balancing on a window sill to do cleaning.

Maid's safety in the balance for 15 minutes: Residents of an HDB estate in Serangoon were shocked to see a domestic worker balancing precariously on a ledge to clean windows on Saturday. The incident occurred at about 2.30pm at an eighth-floor unit of Block 539 in Serangoon North Avenue 4, Chinese newspaper Shin Min Daily News reported yesterday.

Ms He, a 40-year-old housewife who lives at a block opposite, told Shin Min that she saw a maid climbing outside to clean the windows. "To see that maid standing on the window sill, grabbing on to the window to clean it without any safety measures on the eighth floor, it really frightened me," she added. She said she had wanted to go over to stop the maid but changed her mind when she saw that there seemed to be other people in the unit.

Another resident, Mr Chen, a 45-year-old construction worker, had also witnessed the maid's actions. "I wanted to shout at her to ask her not to do that, but I was worried that if I did, disaster may follow if she got frightened so I could only watch." Mr Chen added that the maid had spent about 15 minutes wiping the windows, most of the time squatting on the sill.

Madam He said this was the first time that she had seen the domestic worker carry out such a dangerous act. "Luckily, she climbed down safely in the end, much to my relief," she added.

Shin Min approached the maid's employer, who said that the woman had worked at his home for about five months. He said the maid was hard-working although they had some difficulty communicating.

After he saw the picture of the maid cleaning the window, the employer was shocked and said that he did not know she had done such a thing. He was normally away from home during the day, with only his mother and children around. He added that he would advise the maid to be more careful and that he had instructed her not to clean the windows' exterior since it would rain anyway.

Another lucky escape for those DIY amateurs. See below for video.

Lucky Escape For Man Stuck in Compost Bin: This guy stood on top of a compost bin so he could clean his gutters. However, the bin couldn't handle his weight, so he fell through and got stuck. He called for his family to help him, but all they did was laugh at his misery. This homeowner got away lightly & shows another case of how hiring a professional to do the job over DIY can pay for itself many times over.

This could have turned out very badly, luckily the man fell in such a way that he didn't harm himself. But in a lot of cases were knee flex is restricted when landing can cause serious damage. Extended knee landing results in serious deformation of the meniscus and cartilage and increases the risk of bone-to-bone contact and serious knee injury when the load exceeds the threshold safety height. This risk is considerably greater than the risk of injury associated with walking downhill or flexion landing activities.

Killed By Falling Glass

Helpless family: The victim's brother and her mother were seen next to a schoolgirls body after she was killed by falling glass, from a window that was being cleaned at the time.

A piece of glass fell & killed a schoolgirl when a housemaid was cleaning a window from the 20th floor: The victim was pronounced dead at the scene in Zhuhai, China, on Saturday when she was struck while walking to an extracurricular class with her two siblings.

A 11-year-old girl has been tragically killed after a pane of glass fell from a 20th floor flat and hit her in the head in a Chinese city. The glass was thought to have dropped when a housemaid was cleaning a window in a residential high-rise in Zhuhai, southern China, on June 18, reported the People's Daily Online.

According to the report, the school girl was walking on Leyuan Road in Xiangshou District, Zhuhai, together with her two siblings. She was struck by the glass at around 10am.  An eyewitness, with the surname Luo, said he heard a loud bang from a distance. He said after he rushed over, he saw a girl lying on a pedestrian crossing covered in blood. Her siblings were crying in shock next to her.

Unexpected tragedy: The girl was on her way to an extracurricular class when the accident occurred.

An ambulance was immediately called by Mr Luo, but paramedics were unable to save the girl, who was pronounced dead at the scene. The victim's younger brother, who witness the tragic accident, told a reporter that the trio were crossing the road in front of the residential compound when his sister got struck. 

The Zhuhai Public Security Bureau confirmed the accident on June 18 through its official account on Weibo, the Chinese equivalent to Twitter. A later post from the police authority confirmed the cause of the accident. It read: 'After initial investigation, the glass had fallen from a house on the 20th floor in building number 2 at Hengfu Court on Leyuan Road.' Chinese media suggested that a housemaid was cleaning the window for a family living on the 20th floor when the glass dropped. Further investigations are being carried out by the police. 

Window Cleaning Rescues & Suspicious Deaths

The aerial ladder platform (ALP) that was brought by the department of fire and emergency services to rescue us looked like a toy from the 22nd floor where we were stranded for almost 10 hours. "The emergency services personnel and others watching us from the ground floor looked so tiny," recalled Akbar Hussain, 22, one of the two window cleaners who were stuck outside the World Trade Centre in Yeshwanthpur for a large part of Monday evening.

Window cleaners stuck outside 22nd floor rescued after 9-hour operation (Yeshwantpur, Bangalore): Duo were dangling more than 200 feet above the ground in an open-air platform for nearly nine hours before being rescued by Fire Department. Dangling in an open-air platform more than 200 feet above the ground, two labourers clung on to dear life for nearly nine hours while rescue teams figured a way to extract them to safety. The window-cleaners were stuck outside the 22nd floor of the World Trade Centre at Yeshwantpur.

Wasim Ahmed and Akbar Hussain were stranded while working in the WTC at Yeshwantpur on Monday.

Wasim Ahmed and Akbar Hussain – from Uttar Pradesh – were lowered from the roof of the 32-storey building on a pedestal at 8 a.m. in a day-long exercise to clean the glass façade of the tower that houses numerous multi-national companies and consulates. The pedestal was being manoeuvred by a machine. Around noon, the apparatus got stuck at the 22nd floor. Their colleagues tried to fix the machine, but failed. Then they tried to hoist them to the roof, but did not succeed.

When all efforts to rescue the duo failed, the Fire and Emergency Services personnel were alerted. By then, it was 5.45 p.m. The extendable ladders of the two fire tenders fell short by a long margin. The ladders could reach a height of 175 feet. Wasim says, “We were stuck for nearly nine hours and were scared out of our minds. It was a long way down. But, we were confident that the wires holding the pedestal would not break. The fact that it was only the machine that was malfunctioning and there was no problem with the ropes gave us some measure of confidence.”

Eventually around 9 p.m., officials broke glass panes on the 22nd floor and pulled the duo to safety. A police officer, who was part of the rescue operation, said, “The glass had to be broken carefully to ensure neither the duo nor those below were injured during the process. The pieces would be blown a little distance by the wind – which is dangerous as the complex houses a mall – before they hit the ground.” An official of the Fire Department said the duo were not wearing helmets or safety gear. More detail here.

Window cleaner trapped on platform outside Canberra building: A window cleaner and a mechanic had to call the fire brigade for help when they became trapped on a raised platform in Canberra on Saturday morning. The men were working on the fourth floor on the top of a building on Constitution Avenue, in Campbell, when the platform stopped moving. They called triple zero shortly after 7am.

The Emergency Services Agency said it sent the ambulance, a pumper and the Bronto Aerial Platform to help. "A firefighter was able to fix the mechanical issue of the hydraulic platform they were working on," the agency said in a statement. "ACT Fire & Rescue did not have to use its Bronto Aerial Platform. The two men have been safely lowered to the ground." No one was hurt in the incident.

He had no identification on him but now, nearly two weeks later, the OPD has identified the man as Fallbrook resident, window cleaner, Mark Andrew Slaughter, 45.

Death of Fallbrook man called ‘suspicious’ (OCEANSIDE): A man found injured on an Oceanside bike path on New Year’s Day and later died was identified Wednesday as a Fallbrook resident. Mark Andrew Slaughter, 45, died under what police are investigating as suspicious, Oceanside police Lt. Leonard Cosby said. Slaughter was found along a bike path on South Coast Highway, near Eaton Street, about 8:40 p.m. on Jan. 1, police said. He had head and face injuries, and was taken to a hospital. He died a short time later.

Cosby said an autopsy was conducted but the Medical Examiner’s Office was not able to determine what caused Slaughter’s head injuries or what caused his death. Internet sites show Mark Slaughter as owner of Focus Window Cleaning Service in Fallbrook. Investigators are asking that anyone with information about the case or about Slaughter’s movements on Jan. 1 call them at (760) 435-4892.

Police cover the body of a domestic helper who fell out of the window of an apartment in Kowloon City on Wednesday.

Indonesian maid falls to death in window-cleaning accident: An Indonesian maid fell to her death on Wednesday when she was apparently doing some cleaning work at a window of an apartment in Kowloon City. The domestic helper, a 21-year-old who bears the first name Titik, came to Hong Kong just two months ago, according to Ming Pao Daily. The accident took place at midday at a building named Elite House on Argyle Street.

A security guard said he rushed outside the building after hearing a loud thud. He saw a woman lying on the ground unconscious, prompting him to immediately call the police. When the police and medical personnel arrived, they pronounced the woman dead on the scene. Blood stains and broken pieces of a flower pot were found on the floor. The police didn’t find any suicide note on the person or inside the flat, leading them to believe that the maid may have fallen from the window accidentally.

Cheung Kit-man, chairman of Hong Kong Employment Agencies Association, said that in the past two years there had been a total of fourteen cases of domestic workers falling out of windows. Domestic workers are often not careful, he said, noting that some maids tend to lean way too out from windows when cleaning. Under current law, the Hong Kong government requires an employer to buy insurance for their foreign domestic workers. Family members of the maid are eligible for compensation, and the cost of transferring the body back to homeland will also be covered.

Spate of suicides in China still largely unexplained: The unnatural deaths of seven government officials in less than a month have raised concerns among members of the public, as the causes of some of the deaths have not been explained. Yang Xiaojun, a law professor at the Chinese Academy of Governance, said only limited information has been provided from official sources, and it’s not sufficient to stop the public from speculating. He said he believes the results of investigations into the deaths are a matter of public concern and that governmental departments need to explain the causes in a timely manner.

Earlier this year, the Organization Department of the CPC Central Committee issued a notice requiring the public release of detailed information about deceased officials. According to a report in Southern Weekly, 112 officials committed suicide from August 2003 to April 2014, with 39 percent of those dying in their offices, 33 percent at home and the rest at parks or clubs. Hao Zhuang, security chief in Jiaohe, Jilin province, died after falling from the window of his sixth-floor office on Monday morning. The local government made a statement, saying Hao fell from the window accidentally when he was cleaning the window glass and died of critical injuries despite emergency medical treatment. No other details were available.

Also on Monday, Wang Jinwei, 50, head of the finance bureau of Enshi, Hubei province, died after falling from the roof of the residential building where he lived. No explanation for his death has been released. According to a report by Legal Evening News, officials who died of unnatural causes recently include Xiao Wensun, mayor of Liuzhou in the Guangxi Zhuang autonomous region, who drowned in a river on Nov 4; Zhang Jianwei, head of the disciplinary department of China Nation Offshore Oil Corporation, who died in his office on Nov 3; Wang Pin’gang, senior vice-president of China Shenhua Energy Co, who died on Oct 29, the same day the former head of the land and resources department in Xiamen, Fujian province, surnamed Lin, hanged himself in a park; and Chen Hongqiao, president of Guosen Securities, who committed suicide at his home on Oct 23.

Another Window Cleaning Fall To Death & Rescue

An Indonesian domestic helper plunged to her death on Thursday morning while wiping windows in a 27th-floor public housing flat in Wong Tai Sin.

An Indonesian domestic helper plunged to her death on Thursday morning while wiping windows in a 27th-floor public housing flat in Wong Tai Sin. The woman, 28, accidentally fell out of a kitchen window at Cheung Yuen House, Chuk Yuen North estate, at about 9.30am and landed on the first-floor podium of the building, police said. The maid was declared dead at the scene, a police spokesman said. “Her 87-year-old female employer told police that the maid fell down by accident while cleaning windows in the kitchen,” a police officer said. An initial investigation found nothing suspicious, he said. It is believed that the woman arrived in Hong Kong for work earlier this month. The city has seen similar domestic accidents involving foreign helpers. 

Policemen set up a perimeter at the residence of the woman who allegedly tortured Indonesian maid Erwiana Sulistyaningsih in Hong Kong January 21, 2014. A foreign maid died today after she fell from a high-rise while cleaning windows.

In August, an Indonesian domestic helper, 32, and an 18-month-old boy fell from a 19th-floor flat in Yau Tong. Police believed the maid was carrying the toddler as she collected laundry from a clothing rack outside the window, but lost her balance. In February 2011, an Indonesian helper, 35, fell out of a 22nd-floor flat while cleaning a window in a Sha Tin flat. She landed on a podium and was declared dead at Prince of Wales Hospital. The city is home to 300,000 domestic helpers, mostly from Indonesia or the Philippines.

Law Wan-tung, 2nd left, who has been charged with two counts of wounding, one count of common assault and three counts of criminal intimidation, walks next to her husband, 2nd right, as they leave a court in Hong Kong on January 22, 2014.

Maid falls to death in Hong Kong: A foreign domestic helper aged 28 died on Thursday after falling from a residential building in Hong Kong, police said. They said the helper, whose name and nationality were not given, fell from a building in the Wong Tai Sin district onto a concrete canopy and was certified dead when officers arrived. “It is understood that she fell off while cleaning windows in a flat,” a police statement said, adding the death was not being treated as suspicious.

There have been a series of such deaths over the years in Hong Kong, where most people live in high-rise apartment blocks. Last August an 18-month-old boy and an Indonesian domestic helper fell to their deaths from the 19th-floor flat where they lived. Police said the helper was collecting clothes from a drying rack outside the window. Conditions for the city's 300 000 domestic helpers - mostly from Indonesia or the Philippines - have come under the spotlight recently following cases of abuse. A Hong Kong mother-of-two was charged on Wednesday with a serious assault on her Indonesian domestic helper. Last September a couple were jailed for savagely beating another Indonesian helper.

An undated photograph provided by her family and released by Indonesia's Migrant Care on January 22, 2014 shows Indonesian maid Erwiana Sulistyaningsih (L) and the same girl sitting in a wheelchair (R) at a hospital in the Sragen.

'Tortured' Indonesian maid welcomes arrest:  A woman accused of torturing her former maid was arrested at Hong Kong airport while attempting to board a flight to Thailand. An Indonesian maid has welcomed the arrest of her former Hong Kong employer, who is accused of torturing her, saying she is willing to return to the city to testify in a case that sparked angry protests.

The ex-employer, a Hong Kong mother-of-two, was arrested on Monday and charged two days later with assaulting Erwiana Sulistyaningsih and two other Indonesian maids, after thousands of domestic workers marched in the city to call for justice. "I'm happy. I had hoped the employer would be arrested," 23-year-old Sulistyaningsih told Hong Kong-based Cable Television in an interview broadcast on Thursday. Law Wan-tung, 44, is accused of causing grievous bodily harm to Sulistyaningsih, who is now undergoing hospital treatment in her home country.

Law, who was arrested at Hong Kong airport while attempting to board a flight to Thailand, was also charged with common assault and four counts of criminal intimidation - charges related either to Sulistyaningsih or to her two previous Indonesian domestic helpers. Prosecutors allege that Law turned household items such as a mop, a ruler and a clothes hanger into "weapons" against Sulistyaningsih. "If I get better, I will go back to Hong Kong," Sulistyaningsih told Cable TV from her hospital bed, adding she was unaware her former employer had allegedly abused two other maids.

The Hong Kong broadcaster said she would return to the city to testify in the case but her father has previously said he would not let his daughter return to work overseas. "Looking at how bad the conditions are working abroad, who would?" Rohmat Saputro said. While Sulistyaningsih's situation has improved and is now able to sit up, she remains bedridden and still suffers from headaches and dizziness, according to media reports.

One of her doctors in Indonesia said she was unable to walk following the mistreatment, which included having her head smashed repeatedly against a wall. Amnesty International in November condemned the "slavery-like" conditions faced by thousands of Indonesian domestic helpers in Hong Kong and accused authorities of "inexcusable" inaction.

Elsewhere in Hong Kong, a domestic helper died on Thursday after falling from a residential building. Police said the 28-year-old helper, whose name and nationality were not given, fell from a building in the Wong Tai Sin district onto a concrete canopy and was certified dead when officers arrived. "It is understood that she fell off while cleaning windows in a flat," a police statement said, adding the death was not being treated as suspicious. Last August, an 18-month-old boy and an Indonesian domestic helper fell to their deaths from the 19th-floor flat where they lived. Police said the helper was collecting clothes from a drying rack outside the window.

Stranded window washer rescued on United Plaza Blvd. (Baton Rouge) - The first two fire trucks arrived at 10:41 a.m. and found that the rig, called a bosun’s chair, had jammed, spokesman Eldon Ledoux said. After a ladder truck arrived with a ladder capable of extending up to 107 feet, a firefighter climbed up to the stranded worker, attached the worker’s safety harness to the ladder and helped him down, Ledoux said. “Although, no special or technical rescue techniques were utilized, the equipment and personnel on scene were capable of such a rescue, if needed,” Ledoux said. 

Window Washer Steals J Lo's Panties

Give me back my panties!

Jennifer Lopez's Obsessed Cleaner Steals Underwear From Home? Jennifer Lopez was said to be furious after a window washer "stole" underwear from her bedroom, according to reports. The former American Idol judge hired help to clean the windows in her mansion, however, the man is said to have gotten too familiar with items in her bedroom while "polishing her panes" and was allegedly caught red-handed swiping a pair of her knickers.

"He suddenly spotted a pair of the star’s panties tossed casually on a settee... and it knocked him for a loop," the National Enquirer reports. "Like a man in a trance, he touched the silky undies, looked around furtively — then started stuffing them in his pocket." However, Jennifer's maid caught him while in the act and ran out of the room screaming. "When Jennifer heard what had happened, she was furious. She immediately had the guy thrown out — and banned from the premises forever," the source said. However, a source told Gossip Cop that the story is "inaccurate" and "didn't happen."

What? These old things?

Jennifer Lopez Panties Nearly Swiped by Creepy Window Washer? Jennifer Lopez was targeted by a panty-crazed window washer, claims the National Enquirer. You read that correctly. According to the tabloid, a window washer at the singer’s mansion in California was recently apprehended after indulging his “lusty urge to snag an irresistibly sexy souvenir — J. Lo’s panties!” The mag says the worker was allegedly alone in Lopez’s bedroom to “polish her panes” when he “suddenly spotted a pair of the star’s panties tossed casually on a settee… and it knocked him for a loop!”

An Enquirer “source” explains, “Like a man in a trance, he touched the silky undies, looked around furtively — then started stuffing them in his pocket!” Wow, we had no idea the tab was branching out into creepy erotica. In any case, just as the supposed thief was about to make his escape, J. Lo’s maid allegedly entered, discovered the pocketed panties, took them “and ran screaming from the room!”

Stop. How would the tab know that the window washer was “in a trance” and “looked around furtively” if the maid entered after that? “When Jennifer heard what had happened, she was furious,” says the Enquirer’s source. “She immediately had the guy thrown out — and banned from the premises forever!” We’re sure Lopez would have been upset — and rightfully so — were this wild story the least bit true. One more question: Why would the singer’s panties have been “tossed casually on a settee” — when she was away on tour? Oops.

As entertaining as the madcap adventures of a dirty-minded window washer sound… none of this ever happened at Lopez’s house. The Enquirer made it up out of whole cloth. A rep for Lopez also assures Gossip Cop it “didn’t happen,” and that the story is “inaccurate.” Hey, we’ll give the Enquirer some creativity points on this one — but as far as journalism goes, it’s another massive fail. J. Lo's Panties Can Now Be Yours.

Another Maid Dies Cleaning Windows

Indonesian Maid Dies in 30-Storey Plunge in Singapore:  A 23-year-old Indonesian maid fell 30 storeys to her death at Telok Blangah Heights on Thursday. She had apparently been cleaning the windows of her employer’s flat at about 1 p.m. This is at least the third case so far this year of a maid falling to her death here. A neighbor told Chinese newspaper Shinmin Daily that she was in the vicinity when the maid fell. She was at a nearby bus stop when she heard a loud noise.

She saw the maid on the ground with blood flowing from her head, and the maid’s employer arriving soon after. She said the female employer told her that the maid had lost her balance and fallen out of the window, but managed to cling to it. She shouted for her employer, but fell before the woman could reach her. The maid was pronounced dead at the scene by paramedics at about 1.15 p.m. The Straits Times understands that the maid had worked for the family of five — a couple, two young children and an elderly woman — for about two years. The family declined to comment on the incident.

The neighbor said that the maid’s employer would tell her not to open the metal window grilles when she was cleaning the windows. But she still did so, saying she could not clean the windows without opening them. Neighbors said they would occasionally see the maid around the area, and described her as quiet and petite. Police are investigating the incident as an unnatural death.

Please Report Your Dead Window Cleaning Maid

Note: if your maid dies you need to report this to the Manpower Ministry within 12 hours of finding her.

Maid dies in fall from sixth-floor flat:  A maid died on Thursday after falling out of a sixth-floor window of her employers' flat. The 25-year-old Indonesian is believed to have been standing on a stool while cleaning the window in one of the bedrooms. Her employer had her back turned but heard the stool topple over, The Straits Times understands. When she realised the maid was no longer at the window she looked out and saw her lying at the bottom of the block in Toh Guan Road. The maid suffered head injuries and was pronounced dead shortly after the fall. When The Straits Times visited the flat last night, no one came to the door.

Maid survives 9-storey fall from Bukit Panjang flat: A maid survived a nine-storey fall from her employer's flat in Bukit Panjang on Friday afternoon, a day after another maid died when she fell from a sixth-floor window while cleaning it. Police confirmed the Friday incident, saying they responded to a call at 1.35pm that day about a woman who had fallen nine storeys at Block 534, Jelapang Road. She was found lying at the foot of the block, and was taken to the National University Hospital with fractures to her legs and pelvic bone, said a police spokesman. When The Sunday Times visited the employer's flat yesterday, the family declined to be interviewed, but said that the maid was not alone in the flat at that time. Shin Min Daily News reported that the maid was a 23-year-old Indonesian who was hired just over a month ago to work for the family. An eyewitness told the evening daily that the maid was found on the ground with bamboo poles and clothes beside her, and that she could have fallen out of the window while trying to retrieve laundry when it started to rain in the afternoon.

'Idiot' employers still making maids like this, clean windows - this way: A 'stomper' has but only harsh words to spare for employers who subject their maids to such dangerous acts like these, in spite of numerous reports of accidents happening, where maids hurt themselves or die when they fall from such great heights. Danny said, "I saw this maid cleaning window pane with a ladder...her body would sometimes lean out of the window so she could clean the out facing plane." "So many mishaps happen and yet those idiot employers still ask their maids to perform these dangerous tasks?"

A spate of fatal falls a few years ago involving maids who were cleaning windows, hanging laundry or even watering plants, prompted the Manpower Ministry to introduce a slew of initiatives to improve safety awareness. These included offering safety awareness courses and taking action against errant employers who failed to provide a safe working environment for these maids. Under the Employment of Foreign Manpower Act, errant employers can be fined $5,000 and jailed up to six months. They will also be disallowed from hiring another foreign domestic worker.

Foreign Domestic Workers (FDW) have to attend a compulsory half-day course to raise their awareness of home safety and safety precautions to take when carrying out routine household chores such as cleaning of windows. The cost of the course is SGD 20.00 ($15). Note: if your maid dies you need to report this to the Manpower Ministry within 12 hours of finding her.

Home Owners Attitude To Window Cleaning

Housekeeping is pretty easy, with the correct attitude: by John Agnew. A friend told me that she hired a man to wash her windows, and my ears pricked up. She has a three-story house with numerous windows, unlike my one-story house, but window-for-window, I can match dirty with anyone. If you take pride in your dirty windows it's so much easier to accept the situation, so it's all about attitude. Anyway, this got me thinking about my windows, and I'd rather not. Even thinking about them leaves me feeling tired and cranky.

I asked Kathleen, my favorite daughter, what she did when she thought about washing windows. “I lie down and wait until it passes,” she said. I thought that was quite astute, even if not original. She is obviously her father's daughter. When Alice thought about windows she asked our yard man to do them, and of course paid him extra. He was very agreeable and did other jobs for us, as well. Alice asked him to remove the Christmas lights from the shrubbery once, and after noticing that the strings were badly tangled he took clippers and cut them into manageable lengths. “Those lights weren't any good,” he explained. Alice laughed too hard to get upset. I hasten to add that the lights were unplugged when he attacked them, which was probably to my credit.

My mother was unlikely to hire anyone to wash windows when she had two perfectly healthy and unemployed children hanging around the house. She came from the farm and had much more positive feelings about “do it yourself” than we did. I don't know if my sister washes windows today, but she irons everything, including tee shirts and fitted sheets, so I wouldn't be surprised. When you lose your appreciation of the value of your leisure time, this manifests itself in many ways. I've avoided that pitfall.

My experience washing windows and mowing the lawn as a child explains my resistance to doing those things as an adult. I may be a slow to learn but I'm quick to remember. You can't fool me, when it comes to those accursed activities. You can use euphemisms to describe the work, you can hide the tasks behind anything you wish, but I'll sniff it out and think of something else I need to do first.

My friend said that if you dilute “Dawn” detergent and work slowly, it leaves no streaks - as if I would want to know this. I told her I would keep that in mind. I like to mollify her, as she might repeat herself until she gets an acceptable response from me. Sounding sincere is a learned attribute, just like having pride in your dirty windows. These things don't take long to learn, and they are really good time-savers, later on.

She is likely to ask me about any progress in the window-washing department, and that is another problem. I don't want to lie, since I have a reputation to maintain, but when you put your reputation up against washing windows you realize how ephemeral a reputation can be, and wonder if it is even worth defending. I recently went to two funerals in eight days (Old Guys like me tend to do that) and not once did I hear the departed extolled for washing windows. Do you think St. Peter asks about your windows? He does not, and I have that on good authority. Put something in the collection basket every week and you get a pass on windows.

I have a maid, Luciana, for a few hours every two weeks, a policy Alice instituted and I gladly continued. Luciana bends over and reaches up a whole lot better than I, so I just stay out of her way. She puts things away more than I tend to, and in more diverse locations, but searching for them beats pushing the vacuum cleaner. Self-propelled vacuums are better than the old kind, but you still have to drag it out and set it up, another task I learned to avoid, way back when. I'd like to ask Luciana if she “does windows,” but I'm afraid I might frighten her off, and I just can't face that. I'd rather lie to my friend. Who wouldn't?