Jesse Green The Cartoon Guy - Fatigue Makes Cowards Of Us All

“Off the Deep End” - A weekly window cleaning cartoon strip by Jesse Green.

Jesse Green The Cartoon Guy: “Fatigue makes cowards of us all” – Vince Lombardi

As a coward and as a tired person, I understand what old Vince was trying to say. He's saying that when it comes down to it, it doesn't matter how much you hope, wish and pray, that old Chevy wont make it to the top of the hill if it doesn't have enough gas in the tank. 

Old Vince was talking about preparation - everything that needs to happen prior to that “big moment.” In sports, it's when there is only seconds on the clock and the game is tied. 

In window cleaning, it's when the sun is setting, and the customer wants you gone, but you still have 5 more windows to clean and fifty screens to re-install. You are weak, tired and hungry and you don't know if you can finish the job. The worst part is that you can't come back tomorrow or the day after because you are booked solid for a month.

No catchy phrases or eye-of-the-tiger theme music is going to get you through this. 

In truth, the help you needed at your 5 o'clock “moment of truth” should have happened much earlier. Think for a moment: 

What if you stretched for an hour and went to bed at early instead of catching up with your friends at the bar? 

What if you had organized your window cleaning gear the night before so you could wake up and tackle the day ready? 

What if you prepared a nutritious lunch the night before, so you wouldn't have to waste time grabbing a greasy burger from the local fast food joint or even worse skipping lunch entirely causing you to stumble and bumble through your window cleaning battle in a weakened frazzled state. 

“Be prepared”, is the Boy Scout's motto. As one of the worst boy scouts in North America, I remember enviously gazing at the wise scoutmaster's well stocked tent full of useful provisions. As I trudged towards my sad barren little tent devoid of even a sleeping bag (that's how ill prepared I was in those days) to shiver as vigorously as I could to keep warm for the night, I thought, “one day I will be prepared.” 

That day finally came.... 25 years later. 

If it had come earlier, I might be an investment banker, a scientist, or perhaps a great philanthropist. 

But at least I am a limber, organized, uninjured, and well fed window cleaner. And not a frantic, starving, disorganized wreck of a human being frantically looking for a fresh rubber and a dry cloth in a disorganized heap of a work van.... no that was last year.

Jesse's tip for winter warmth.

How to stay warm this winter: 

2 lbs coarsely ground chuck 2 (16 ounce) cans red kidney beans, drained and rinsed 2 (14 1/2 ounce) cans diced tomatoes 2 medium onions, coarsely chopped 1 green pepper, seeded and coarsely chopped 2 garlic cloves, crushed 2 -3 tablespoons chili powder 1 teaspoon black pepper 1 teaspoon cumin salt
1) Brown ground chuck on top of stove, drain fat.
2) Put ground chuck and the rest of the ingredients in a 5-quart crockpot before you go to bed
3) Wake up and scoop hot chili into thermos
4) Drive to your window cleaning job with the warm fuzzy feeling that comes from having a hot lunch ready when you need it

Jesse Green of Sparkle King in Cape Cod, Massachusetts: Hi, my name is Jesse Green. I have the fortunate job of cleaning windows and gutters in a really great place - Cape Cod, Massachusetts. I fell in love with the area when I came to see my friends get married here. The history, the natural beauty, and most of all the people won me over. I have been very fortunate. Cape Codders have welcomed me with open arms – spreading the word and referring me to friends and family.

Jesse Green The Cartoon Guy - Eccentric Rich

“Off the Deep End” - A weekly window cleaning cartoon strip by Jesse Green.

Jesse Green The Cartoon Guy - Eccentric Rich... Up Close & Personal: One of the best things about being a window cleaner is the chance to observe the lives of the eccentric rich... up close and personal.

History is rich with tales of wacky aristocrats and the strange things they are compelled to do.... or just plain enjoy doing.

Take for example Francis Edgerton, the 8th Earl of Bridgewater. A scholar and aristocrat, he took pleasure from the finer things in life. Things like throwing elaborate dinner parties for his canine companions. Dressing them up in fancy petticoats and leather boots, he sat them at his table, serving them elaborate meals from fine china.

Jemmy Hirst of Yorkshire, was another odd one. Instead of a horse drawn carriage, he preferred his bull, Jupiter, to pull his oddly shaped wicker carriage about town. He even tossed a saddle on old Jupiter from time to time for fox hunts with his pack of trained hunting pigs.

My own witness to eccentricity concerns not the “master of the house”, but one of the “servants.” A wild Frenchman house cleaner. One of those rare specimens who doesn't seem to give a crap what anyone thinks of him.

One who is completely free.... or completely nuts (depends how you look at it).

I ran across this fellow a couple of years ago while I was cleaning the windows of a very large home with a spectacular ocean view. The owner of the house, a modern day aristocrat, introduced me to him with a wink.

At first, I did not know what that wink meant. Soon enough, I did.

As I was cleaning the interior windows, I got to talking to this little rascal of a man. He was dressed in a pair of old sweat pants rolled up to the knees and and an equally worn t-shirt. Atop his balding head was a cap much like the one Jacques Cousteau wore on his ocean expiditions.

“So, you clean zee f***ing windows, eh?” he said cheerfully. I was a little taken aback when he started in with the “F word”, but he seemed friendly enough. “Yeah, sure”, I said. “It's my job.”

“Good, good, a strong young one to clean zee f***ing windows. Climbing zee f***ing ladders, scrub, scrub, squeegee, squeegee.... it takes the young ones who are strong an peppy. Me, I'm too 'f***ing old for that s**t !” he said, waving his arms about.

I couldn't help but start laughing - this little old man, dropping f-bombs that echoed through the hallways like silverware falling to the floor.

“You think zat's humorous, getting old and wrinkled like a raisin?” He said. “Don't worry, you'll be old and feeble soon enough...... look at me, cleaning zee house like a women, eh?”

I didn't correct him - didn't tell him, I was laughing at his choice (or lack thereof) of words. But there was a child-like innocence to it, really.

If swearing was like nudity, he wasn't the perverted flasher who liked to offend and embarrass, but rather the carefree nudist who couldn't be weighed down by the heavy clothing that binds the rest of us.

Or, maybe, he was like a free flying bird lettings his droppings fall where they may, unconcerned if they landed in the wrong spot.

Being my first year in the window cleaning business, I was still very uptight about saying the right thing and not rubbing the customer the wrong way. I imagined that I had to be very careful not to ruin a good thing when I landed a big job with lots of windows like this.

I pictured the customers in the fancy houses as being very prim and proper, so I was surprised how a guy like this was able to work in these big houses.

But then again, maybe someone who has all the money in the world gets bored after awhile. Maybe Jacques the naughty house cleaner is like the court jester in days of old. Perhaps, the wealthy get tired of everyone kissing their hindquarters.

Who really knows what people get a kick out of. Maybe it takes all kinds to make the world go round, I thought.

"Fly free, you crazy Frenchman, fly free” I thought to myself as I scrubbed, scrubbed, and squeegeed, squeegeed my way through the job.

Jesse Green of Sparkle King in Cape Cod, Massachusetts: Hi, my name is Jesse Green. I have the fortunate job of cleaning windows and gutters in a really great place - Cape Cod, Massachusetts. I fell in love with the area when I came to see my friends get married here. The history, the natural beauty, and most of all the people won me over. I have been very fortunate. Cape Codders have welcomed me with open arms – spreading the word and referring me to friends and family.

Jesse Green The Cartoon Guy - Fortune Teller

“Off the Deep End” - A weekly window cleaning cartoon strip by Jesse Green.

Jesse Green The Cartoon Guy - Fortune Teller: This week's comic strip was inspired by the town of Plymouth, Massachusetts. You know, where the pilgrims landed and started this grand experiment we call the United States.

One of the funny things about Plymouth, apart from the ridiculous disappointment of the tiny “Plymouth Rock”, is that it has quite a few little shops with signs for “Psychic Readings”, “Palm Readings” “Tarot Cards” and so forth. This, coming from a place that would burn you alive and chuck you over a cliff for said shenanigans, back in the old days when whistling a tune and dancing were illegal.

Thankfully no one even gave me a dirty look while I was whistling and cleaning windows in downtown Plymouth last week near these Pagan Parlors of Palmistry and Perfunctory Psychic Prognostication.

And while I was twirling my squeegee, I got to thinking about what it would be like to have my future revealed. Assuming I even believed in their ability to see into the future (and my unpredictable, meandering trajectory, to boot) the question arose, “would I even want to know it?”

It would be nice to know that when “shuffling off this mortal coil”, it would be an act of great heroism. For example, diving in front of a bus to rescue a child who would turn out to be the next Gandhi. But what if I died on the crapper clipping my fingernails? How is that going to inspire me to get out of bed each day?

And even if the psychic in question could see my future, would they give me the straight dope, or something that sounded prettier so they could get their $29.95 without having to hear the whiny complaints of a window cleaner.

I don't know, maybe I'm missing out. Maybe it's not all about me. Maybe I could clean their windows in exchange for knowledge about potential clients. “So, Madam Blavatsky who's got the cash and a kid who's getting married..... yes, I know that people get married in a church or synagogue, but they will want clean windows for the reception at their house – I need names and addresses !”

Jesse Green of Sparkle King in Cape Cod, Massachusetts: Hi, my name is Jesse Green. I have the fortunate job of cleaning windows and gutters in a really great place - Cape Cod, Massachusetts. I fell in love with the area when I came to see my friends get married here. The history, the natural beauty, and most of all the people won me over. I have been very fortunate. Cape Codders have welcomed me with open arms – spreading the word and referring me to friends and family.

Jesse Green The Cartoon Guy - Touch Up A Spot

“Off the Deep End” - A weekly window cleaning cartoon strip by Jesse Green.

Jesse Green The Cartoon Guy- Touch Up A Spot: I titled my window cleaning series, “Off the Deep End” because much of the humor I see in the gentle art of window cleaning comes from from rants to my wife after I come home from a job. You know, the typical stuff: everything from the guy who won't get out of your way when you're cleaning store front windows to the weird nude sculpture obstructing a residential window. Is it ever okay to lift a sculpture by the boob in order to move it away from the window you are trying to clean?

These, and other, weighty topics, I will be exploring in my comic strip which is clearly, off the deep end.

This cartoon strip is a poke at our beloved window cleaning customers. Like all good patrons, they pay your bills but also occasionally drive you nuts.

Laughing at your customers is only mean spirited if you assume that your behavior never warrants a good laughing at. For instance, I am 100 % positive that my mechanic has had many a good laugh (with his mates at the pub) over some of the ridiculous questions I have asked him. Like when he tells me my transmission is trashed and I ask, “can't you just bang it with a wrench?”

After he bangs me in the head with a wrench, he kindly explains that he is a real mechanic and my old jalopy needs as much attention as my tender cranium.

In this spirit of compassionate laughter, I offer this window cleaning cartoon strip which explores the question: “Do you mind hopping up there and touching up that window?”

This question, by the way, is usually asked after I have put away all my window cleaning gear, including strapping my ladders to my van, pouring out my bucket and stowing my squeegees in their bins. And of course, the window the customer wants me to “hop up to” is the least accessible of the bunch!

Here are 3 possible responses to my hopping ability: 

Jesse Green of Sparkle King in Cape Cod, Massachusetts: Hi, my name is Jesse Green. I have the fortunate job of cleaning windows and gutters in a really great place - Cape Cod, Massachusetts. I fell in love with the area when I came to see my friends get married here. The history, the natural beauty, and most of all the people won me over. I have been very fortunate. Cape Codders have welcomed me with open arms – spreading the word and referring me to friends and family.

Jesse Green The Cartoon Guy

Jesse says it how it is.

Jesse Green of Sparkle King in Cape Cod, Massachusetts has been on the blog before & featured elsewhere here on the blog. His window cleaning cartoons have been popping up all over facebook & the one above in particular caught my eye. It seems like Jesse is your deep thinker & ponderer on life, shown from many other cartoons that are not window cleaning related, he also takes some of his manifestations from dreams.. there's six months of work there for any psycho-analyst! Jesse will be contributing on a regular basis, so sit back & have a laugh.

Jesses Cartoon speech bubble hat.

When?  "I just started drawing cartoons and publishing them on my website and facebook about a month ago. I have never published cartoons anywhere before that. My "art career" started in the public school system where I doodled to escape the boredom of the government mandated school / prison system."

Why? "I was a persistent doodler all my life and drew just for the fun of it. I went to graphic design school later on as an adult but hated the way many of the teaches openly criticized students work... some of the teachers were pretty much like chef Gordon Ramsey on Kitchen Nightmares."

The How? "I don't think I stood out as an exceptional artist in the 1st year of art school that I attended as far as technical ability, but I did notice that I could just sit down with a blank piece of paper and draw for hours without looking at anything. There were artists who could look at something at draw it perfectly but couldn't come up with any ideas of their own. I guess I am blessed with diarrhea of the imagination, having no shortage of ideas yet."

This Weeks Cartoon? "This story of the window cleaning clown haunting the streets of Nottingham, England was just too good too pass up. As soon as I read about this creepy window cleaner, I had to make a comic strip. In terms of sheer creepiness of various clowns I've developed the following ranking: creepy clown trying balloon animals gets a 3/10 in creepiness which is enough to elicit a mild nightmare. Next up a clown selling ice cream, ranks significantly higher at 6/10 on the creep-o-meter simply for the fact that he's got sugary sweets that the young ones can't get enough of AND a vehicle for stashing bodies. But creepy window washing clown takes the cake because he's not just milling around in public, he's at YOUR house staring inside YOUR windows. Creepy window cleaning clown gets a 9/10 in my book. The only thing scary is a creepy clown proctologist (not pictured)."